How I See It

Rabbit Wrangling

2010-03-26T13:56:00.000-07:00

I have another noteworthy experience to share this afternoon. It is a beautiful spring day today so I decided to clean out a bank of rabbit cages in the barn. I put the critters into their summer pen (A topless and bottomless, mobile wire cage that allows for fresh grass munching.) outside of the barn in the pretty sunshine and sweet grass. An hour later I caught a flash of white movement from the corner of my eye where there was not supposed to be a rabbit. I realized one had escaped. Confused I investigated only to discover I had placed the pen upside down and the smaller holes were not at ground level, which had allowed the rabbit to simply scoot right through.

Do you know how hard it is to catch a full-grown rabbit running free in the pasture? Well it is hard. After thirty minutes I was already really tired and wet and muddy from a dozen or so lunges into the muddy long grass when I finally caught the stupid rabbit and a couple of things happened. In the process of the final successful lunge I got one of my braids caught in a raspberry vine. Lots of thorns on those babies at this time of year!

So now picture me on all fours, wet, muddy and with my head anchored eight inches from the ground by my hair. I have a screaming, kicking rabbit held by one foot with my right hand and am trying to remove the raspberry bush from my hair with the left. Oh yes did I mention I was kneeling in a puddle? Just about that time I realized the second thing…in all the commotion another rabbit had escaped. I nearly cried!

I yanked the raspberry bush up by the roots (yes I was wearing gloves) and let it hang as I walked sort of leaning off to one side so I could use both hands to secure the rabbit. I must have looked like Mother Earth with…well earth all over me and a raspberry garland dangling from my waist length braid as I carried screaming rabbit number one back to the barn and her cage.

After disentangling the raspberry bush from my hair I went at it again. Forty minutes later I had wrangled rabbit number two into the barn and was able to get her into a corner where I could grab her and then stuff her back into her cage.

As I was stumbling from the barn dirty and exhausted I reminded myself that I chose this. I wanted to learn to be a rabbit wrangler…well that will teach me!

Tough Year!

2009-11-14T08:23:00.000-08:00

I am amazed at the fact that nearly a year has passed since I wrote especially when most of the time I am aware of seemed to be crawling slowly. In February I got the flu and it hit me pretty hard. I was actually in bed for two weeks. I fought valiantly to keep myself hydrated and it was touch and go but I managed to stay away from the doc. I was up and around for 5 days but still pretty weak when I got food poisoning...that pushed me over the edge.

Noel was at work and my phone was on the nightstand so I wound up spending a whole day on the bathroom floor because I couldn't get back and forth fast enough due to my body violently erupting from both ends. I was back in bed by the time Noel got home pushing liquids again and frankly I had begun to consider seeing the doc in the morning if I didn't feel better.

I woke up later that night at 12:30AM with pain in my chest and arm. I woke Noel and told him to call 911 I was having a heart attack. I just lay there willing myself to remain present until the medical people arrived. It didn't take long. Two members of the volunteer Fire Department live less than a quarter mile from me. They beat the ambulance by 15 minutes. They put me on a stretcher, loaded me into the ambulance and the last thing I saw was Noel's worried face as they closed the ambulance doors and I could finally let myself go away.

The next things I remembered were brief moments in the ER, the hospital room, and cloudy awareness of having tests done to me. After two days I was fully present again and they sent me a tray of food that was not correct for my nutritional needs and it was like poison to me! I was ill again within an hour and so weak that I couldn't do anything for myself. The nurses just had to keep changing my bedding and washing me up. Then I was no longer present again.

The docs were confused and unsure if I was having a heart attack again. I was transferred via ambulance to Dallas Presbyterian Hospital for a heart catherazation test. Two more days and I was released to go home. The final diagnosis was my heart had stopped beating because of electrolyte imbalance due to dehydration. I spent the next four weeks in bed or laying on the couch. No stamina to do more than tiny activities and then only one or two in a row without resting. My fibromyalgia had gotten a real hold of me because of the inactivity and I was in significant pain 24/7.

I would have to plan days ahead for any activity that required stamina. Church on Sunday meant no activity on Saturday and resting up on Monday. I could do things for about two hours a day and that was it. I tried to parcel out the activity and get as much bang for my buck so to speak as I could but the real problem was that I became aware that cognitively I was not functioning as I had been.

I could not remember things that were new. I had been doing online college working toward becoming a High School Biology teacher since Fall 2008. I couldn't do the work any longer. I couldn't read the instructions and understand them. They were just words that had no collective message for me. I became depressed and after two more months I went to the doc and asked for help to fix me.

Fibromyalgia medcications are making an appearance on the market and my doc prescribed Cymbalta for me. He warned about the side effects and I was determined that I would take the meds for six weeks and give it a fair shot. After three days the fibromyalgia pain had diminished greatly and so I was encouraged to stick it out until my body got used to the medication even though I felt very unwell I was nearly pain free and grateful for that!

The next six weeks are a blur I couldn't remember things...even to eat. I would lose large chunks of time. I was extremely dizzy and even fell down a few times because of it. I couldn't drive or shop. At church Noel would have to hold on to me to keep me from falling down and making a scene. He sat with me in my Primary class so I could continue teaching my kiddos. Fortunately he is a teacher and it was summer now and he was home to care for me during the worst of it.

At week five I realized there were questions I wanted to ask the doctor about and knew I would never be able to remember them. I got a little spiral pad and pen and put them in the pocket of my robe so that when I thought of something I could write it down. After a day and a half of writing down the things I thought I needed to make him aware of I became afraid I was dying. The cognitive issues with my brain were not allowing me to hold more than two or three things in my mind at a time. And I didn't realize that I was suffering from ALL of the side effects the medication listed on it's warning label and that they were not getting better even after the six weeks!

I saw the doc the next day and he looked at my list and told me to stop taking the medication immediately. He was so concerned that he didn't even move me down on the dose like would normally be done. He prescribed me another one to start immediately and he said my symptoms should go away with the new medication. But that the Cymbalta was making things worse even though it relieved the fibromyalgia pain.

It took me two days to get the script filled and I took no medication for those days. On the morning of the third day I felt better. Still no fibro pain and no dizziness and I just felt better. I started the new medication on the forth day and was ill again by the sixth day. I threw all the pills in the garbage and determined to find out what I really felt like without any prescription side effects.

The good news is I have decided that I am happier without any medication. The bad news is the fibromyalgia pain has returned and I also believe that I had a stroke during the whole thing that has permanently effected my cognitive abilities. The other aspects of the disease are there as well but they are manageable with diet and exercise, for the most part. I had to quit school and I will not be able to become an accredited teacher and that makes me sad. I have tried substitute teaching and found I am not capable of doing that either. Physically and mentally I am without the necessary equipment.

I have come to the realization that I am no longer invincible...and it sucks a bit. Just so you don't think I am feeling sorry for myself or that I have given up on myself...I have many things that I can still do and they nearly all have to do with God and family and that isn't so bad. So I will do my best to go gracefully into this new chapter of my life...stay tuned for further updates.

Holiday Reflections

2009-01-16T12:51:00.000-08:00

The speed that time flies through the holidays makes the idea of a science fiction time warp something worth considering. When I realized I hadn't posted for over two months I was amazed. I started listing in my mind the things that had transpired in my world and I was doubly saddened as I realized several things worth speaking of had gone into the night without a mention. So since this blog is The Way I See It, I'll try to show you what my holidays are like.

Mine is a blended family of seven children established when they were teenagers in 1990. In self defense, I found ways of making the traditions of both families work right off the bat. Also as time passed, I also tried to be considerate of the choices my adult children made as they married and began to establish family traditions of their own, which had to be blended with still another family of outlaws (oh pardon me!) in-laws.

Thanksgiving was always about the feast of the Dead Bird, and my family always invited everyone to come. I didn't change that in my new family, I just doubled my recipes and invited everyone to bring their favorite dishes and a guest if they desired. We always have had a houseful, including new faces so that was just more of the same.

The new thing I realized during conversation that day was Christmas morning was not going to be as it had always been. One child would be with this ex-spouse, one child with that ex-spouse, this child wanted to bring their boyfriend, who was a foreign exchange student without family, that child had been invited to their girlfriends house, one wanted to bring this friend, and on it went. So I improvised.

I got a tablet and wrote down all the names of all the people that would be in town for Christmas. I included all boyfriends, girlfriends, aunts, uncles, spouses, grandparents, fiances, etc. Then I put the names in a bowl and we passed it around drawing names for a gift exchange. The rule was that you could only provide one gift for Christmas for the person whose name you drew and it had to be handmade or less than $20 if purchased. The goal was to get them to think about the other person and encourage bonding, and caring.

Everyone would have their Christmas morning with whatever natal family they chose and then would gather for a cold sandwich buffet and gift exchange, at our home, at two in the afternoon. The family was excited about only having to provide for one member as we were many in number, not wealthy and all the kids were in school or college.

Many phone calls, shopping trips, projects and secrets later our first blended family Christmas came off without a hitch. It not only worked but fun was had by all and the tradition has stuck. Over the years, I have found hidden benefits in this new tradition. I don't have to spend the day cooking. Paper plates make cleanup a snap. The kids all bring their best toys with them to show and so everyone gets to play with tons of new stuff. The jokes and play that the homemade gifts encourage are some of the priceless memories our family shares.

And lastly, as the years have passed and my family has gotten spread across the country and the grandchildren have come and our busy lives get in the way. I know that between Thanksgiving and Christmas my family is having happy thoughts of one another, making phone calls, shopping trips, projects and secrets that make our holidays so wonderful.

Why Blog??

2008-10-31T11:19:00.000-07:00

When I think about blogging I get excited about having a conversation with others. Expressing ideas and rounding out understanding by the exchange of information and feelings. The good thing about the written page is you get to say everything you want to say without being interrupted. The bad thing about the written page is you might say everything you want to say without being interrupted.

Blogging for me is sort of a universal letter to someone who cares...assuming of course that someone cares enough to read what you write. Then there is the emotional roller coaster of "Will anyone read it? Will anyone respond to it? Will I hate or love what they might say?"

Making a blog work requires a two way street. One must blog and another one must read. Otherwise what is the point? If I am just writing to myself...well the idea of that is just sad. Of course I will continue to hold on to the idea that someone out there might respond to something I say. I would enjoy a stimulating conversation with honesty and candid ideas being exchanged, rather than just emotional rantings.

With that said, I will end this post so that I can get back to my life. I'll try to post something worth discussing within the next week.

THANK YOU!

2008-10-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

While driving through Duncanville, Texas on Interstate 20 yesterday afternoon, I was behind a semi in the center lane when I glimpsed a police car with it’s lights on in the right lane up ahead, presumably pulling someone over. I kept waiting to pass them before passing the truck but before that could happen I saw in my rearview another highway patrol car with lights on speeding up in the left lane. I decided there must be a wreck up ahead and that was why I hadn’t seen anyone pulled over yet.

When the officer passed me a red pickup pulled in behind him and I pulled in behind the red truck. When the cop cleared the semi in the center lane he pulled quickly to the right lane and got behind the first cop car I had seen. That is when I realized that the first cop was attempting to pull over a black SUV. I could tell in an instant that the SUV was not complying with the accepted rules of the road and that the two semi-trucks had been deliberately pacing one another to give the cop room to handle the situation. I decided to pace the two semi-trailer trucks that were in the right and center lanes and plug the hole to hold the traffic behind me back out of the way also. That way the officers could do their job and hopefully nobody would get hurt.

We were all traveling between 55 and 60 miles per hour and the people behind me couldn’t see what was going on and so were unhappy at the slow speed my little yellow Volkswagen was traveling in the fast lane. The large 4x4 pickup following me kept trying to intimidate me into moving out of his way. He would come up on my bumper, way too close, so that all I could see was grill in my rear-view mirror. I knew he was feeling very frustrated with me. I also knew he didn’t have a clue as to what was going on because he couldn’t see through the two semi-trucks.

After a few more miles and a couple on ramps, more cruisers joined the convoy, pulling onto the highway in front of me and the trucks but behind the SUV. Then up ahead about half a mile I saw the horizon was covered with tiny blinking lights. They quickly resolved into a roadblock with cruisers parked end to end effectively blocking the entire roadway and tire spikes across each lane. There were about a dozen cruisers now. The SUV finally pulled to the right shoulder about 15 feet short of the tire slicing unit in his lane and me and the other two trucks were about 30 yards behind that. Resulting in a front row seat for the show that was about to unfold.

The cops moved like ants spewing from a hill that had just been kicked, the instant the SUV stopped. They swarmed the immediate area around the SUV, each officer with their gun drawn. I watched them dancing closer to menace and then stepping back to observe. It was very intense. I couldn’t hear their words but I could tell they were yelling at the driver of the SUV. But the driver behind the tinted windows was not getting out.

It looked like a stalemate to me. The tension ratcheted up a notch and I realized for the first time that I myself was in some danger. The reason my view of the proceedings was so good was that I was in a little yellow Volkswagen only 100 feet from this drama. My other two comrades in arms who, with me, were holding back the hordes from getting in the way were sitting 15 feet up in the air inside their big semi-truck cabs. Stray bullets would have a harder time finding them way up there. All of a sudden I felt very vulnerable and wished I was sitting inside one of those big rigs instead of in my little bug.

The pickup behind me honked for me to move and I was flatly fed up with him, so I pulled sharply in front of the semi in the center lane and let the freak go. In his macho abandon he floored his accelerator and as he came around me, tires squealing, he caught sight of the road block and the tire spikes and braked so fast the van behind him was forced to begin to pull in front of me to avoid hitting his bumper. I figured the issue of my being too close to the action was now handled since the stupid pickup driver was now window to window with the SUV separated only by a single lane and could easily see all the guns and officers. And he had nowhere to go without ruining his tires so he just had to sit there with the proverbial egg on his face.

At that moment, as I pondered my now safer situation while I kept my eyes glued to the scene playing out in front of me, my phone rang and I nearly wet my pants. It was my son calling. I said something like, “Can’t talk now cops are everywhere.” And hung up on him. Right then, at some signal I couldn’t identify, all the doors of the SUV were yanked open at once and the officers were inside of the car yanking the driver out and subduing them to the ground! The officers surrounded the SUV so completely and quickly, I couldn’t tell if there was more than one person in the car or even if it was a man or a woman. I again was reminded of ants moving quickly with a single mind to attack.

Then it was over and half a dozen officers moved immediately away from the SUV and made a human line in the road in front of the now parking lot of commuters and began pointing at cars and directing them to drive through the now opening barricade.

As I drove slowly through the blockade of highway patrol cars I looked several of the officers in the eyes. The tension of the feelings caused by the situation still obvious on their faces. I thought about the men and women in uniform who put themselves on the line each and every day for you and me. You find them in situations like the one I just witnessed, in a burning building or maybe a foxhole in a desert skirmish on the other side of the world. These brave individuals rarely receive a thank you and just go about doing their job everyday, taking care of business.

So on behalf of strangers like me who want to shake your hand in gratitude for a job well and honorably done. THANK YOU!